Lets get one thing straight. Self-confidence is not something we are born with. We start developing it from the age of two in a form of self-awareness first. Once we become aware of the self and are able to reflect on ourselves from the perspective of someone else, we then gradually develop a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. Low or high self-confidence depend on many aspects that during our childhood were out of our control: our personality, conditions we were growing up in, people around and many other factors.
Self-confidence comes very useful when we want to succeed at work, find healthy relationship or generally live a fulfilling life. And yes, it can be learned, practiced, and mastered - just like any other skill. The key word here is 'PRACTICE'
Confidence is a practice that can be developed in 5 simple ways:
affirmative beliefs about oneself
embodiment of these beliefs
self compassion
equality mentality
curiosity
Affirmative beliefs
What prevents us to feel confident? A false belief that some parts of us are not good enough. Investigating and overcoming it, seeing good in yourselves and fall in love with yourselves is a great step towards confidence.
You can ask your friend what you are good at. You can remind yourself of your accomplishments. Write down your negative beliefs and rewrite the opposite, more compassionate and supportive beliefs. For example, if you think "There is no way I will ever be able to do that", write instead "Maybe it will take some time, but I am definitely capable of doing it".
Embodiment
Standing up straight gives you more confidence in your thoughts. Therefore in order to practice confidence you need to embody it. A research conducted at Ohio State University shows that people who sat up straight were more likely to believe ideas they wrote down concerning whether they were qualified for a job. In contrast, those who were slumped over their desks were less likely to accept these feelings about their own qualifications. What does it mean? When you need to feel more confident, do a power pose. Stand up and sit up straight. Open your chest and shoulders. Look straight ahead. Feel the feet on the ground. Feel the stability of your own body. Feel you are now inhabiting your confidence.
Self compassion
Allow yourself to do mistakes when you take first actions that require confidence. Be the best friend to yourself - cheering and compassionate. Change the voice of inner critic to a voice of a good friend. Instead of saying to yourself "You’re such an idiot,” you could say, “I may struggle at times, but I am smart and competent in many ways.” List those ways. Remind yourself of the time you did a great job.
Confidence is also about letting yourself be seen and acceptance as you are. To be able to do that with confidence you firstly need to see the parts of you that don't want to see. Exploring them with compassion and acceptance will release the fear of being judged by others. Having a good a therapist will provide you with a safe space for inner exploration. Discovering and integrating the Shadow side of your psyche can also be a very powerful process. And remind yourself that by experiencing self-doubts and insecurities we share our common humanity and that we all need compassion.
Equality Mentality
It is not very empowering and even harmful to think that someone is better than you. This thought immediately triggers your ego which will always find something that you are not good enough at yet. Instead try to say to yourself that someone might be ahead of you. We all start from different positions with different skillset but you have everything you need to get where you want to get. In your own time. If someone is ahead of you, it only proves that what you want is possible.
Curiosity
Get out of the comfort zone and be curious of what happens there. How it would feel? First time there will be definitely some discomfort. However we can be curious about that feeling. Curiosity is the opposite of fear. Magic happens out of the comfort zone. Your exciting life happens there. Do small steps towards new experiences showing to yourself that you can do much more that you think you can.
These are the stepping stones of the process of boosting your confidence. But the most important component of it is a CONSCIOUS ACTION. Don't let your fears get on your way. Therefore:
1... repeat affirmative belief
2... make a power pose
3... remind yourself you have your back if things get wrong
4... remember it is a path and you are as good as anyone else
5... step into the new opportunity with curiosity and...
...DO what you need to do. What you wanted to do for so long. Do that small but conscious action every day to move towards the life you want to live.